They’re awesome because they sit with you in hospital waiting rooms for hours with you, letting you use their Mac to let you design your Holiday cards while they knit their husband a scarf.

They’re awesome because they’re there when you need them, even when the night before included too many shots of Jager.

They’re awesome because they come to your house to take kick ass photos of your family AND bring you iced coffee and smiles.

They’re awesome because when your son throws an epic meltdown at the park, they think, hey I wonder what it’s like to be 2 and be able to do that in public, let’s try!

http://www.kitchenmonki.com/

Go there.

This site rocks my socks off.  You can either put your own recipes in or search their database for recipes and bookmark them.  They you can put them on your calendar and print out your meal plan for the week. Like this:

(I didn’t miss days, Tuesday I’m visiting the BFF while she babysits our friends kiddos, and Saturday we have a birthday party for adorable twinsies in Maryland, so no cooking those days)

They don’t stop there, folks!  After this?  It prints out all of your recipes and THEN? It prints out your shopping list!  As in, I DID NOT HAVE TO WRITE A GROCERY LIST!  That  feature alone is enough to make me a loyal visitor. You can search by cooking method (ie. crockpot!) or by ingredient, or by time you want to spend cooking!

You can link your account with your facebook, so when any of your facebook friends joins they are automatically your friend.  Neato, right?

You need this website in your life.

The date was 10/22/11 and you were standing in front of the ottoman while I laid on the couch, it was totally supposed to be Mama and Bubba nap time, but you weren’t havin’ it.  Instead you were busy delighting in the fact that you could turn 1 square graham cracker into 2 rectangular ones.  Your mind was blown dude, BLOWN.  I was cool with it, I mean, shapes are important and good stuff to know.  But then you decided to smash the graham crackers into sand.

Like any good mother I was all “DUDE, don’t do that!” and then it happened….. you shot me a glare, that is without question the same glare I shoot, and said “WHY NOT?!“.

Really?  Already with the sassin’ back?  I thought I had some more time.

For the record, I really didn’t have a good answer as to why one shouldn’t ground up graham crackers into one’s ottoman, other than that it’s stupid, which didn’t seem appropriate to tell you at 2 year olds.  The last thing I need is you runnin’ around all willy nilly asking “why not?” and then calling everything stupid, ya know?

In your defense, you definately sensed my unhappiness and then tried to rub the cracker sand into the ottoman to make it go away.  So thanks for the effort, little buddy.

I love you.

Mom

Today’s “station” was Alanis Morissette.

Jewel’s “Foolish Games” came on and I was instantly transported back to my old bedroom and sitting on the floor staring at the phone, listening to that very song (on repeat) for hours waiting for Jay to call me and ask me to prom.  I cried for hours as the phone stayed silent.  Then I got angry at him for not realizing what a catch I was and for playing these foolish games with my heart! (GAWD this song was written, just for me at this very momemt!).  Then I remembered all the things I thought were dreamy about him when he finally did call (at 10 o’ freakin’ clock!, way to make a girl sweat it out dude) and ask me.

Man, I was a dork.

The date was 10/11/11 and Mommy had gotten up at 5 a.m. to get to the gym.  I stopped and got coffee on the way home so we could save time on our morning commute.

As usual we were trying to pile all of your swag into the car.  I know one day you will think I’m exaggerating when I tell you you used to make me lug around NO LESS than 20 stuffed animals.  It’s okay, you make a good argument, they are your friends, and it’s nice to take your friends with you to keep you company.  So I oblige.

I placed my 24 ice cold ounces of hazelnut deliciousness in the hatch back to go and fetch you from the lawn where you were looking for flowers.  My cup spilled, splashing up all over me.

I shouted “OH SHIT!”.

And so did you.

I tried my hardest not to laugh.

Later when we got home?  You stopped and looked at the stain in the driveway and said “Mommy no more coffee”.  It had been a long day at the office, I said “Yeah, I know, bud”.

I’m certain it says a lot about your Mommy that she’ll recall the first time you said “shit” faster than the first time you rolled over, huh?

Like what magical stuff happens between 24 and 29 that causes people to know how to navigate the big, unwieldy, ship o’ life?

You wonder if and how you will ever have 2 insured vehicles in your driveway, or a driveway for that matter.

You wonder what it’s like to go to the store and hand over your debit card without your hands trembling, while your mind races to think of what the hell that last ATM receipt said your balance was again.  Or if you have any checks outstanding.

They look so happy.  They must not have a trouble in the world!  You can’t wait to be “settled” and have your shit together.

They probably take weekend get aways all the time, and go to museums, and lolligag around the city for hours, just for kicks.

Getting older is so gonna rock!!!!

Then, one day, you’re 31 with a house, and insured vehicles, hell, even a 14 ft trampoline! and you realize that those people you thought had their shit together?

Totally didn’t.

You were just young and naive and believed that anyone with a mortgage and a car that started everyday had “made it”.

Oooor is that just me?

cool.

We go to the park every night.  Wednesday night Bounce U. has an open bounce, we took the little bugger yesterday and he is in love, LOVE.  Friday night we’re checking out Jelly Bean Jungle, which should be cool (er) since it is solely for children under 5.  Some of the kids at Bounce U. looked like they could be NFL linebackers, but I digress.

In my mission to find something/anything for us to do to keep Gavin occupied and engaged in something other than Dora or Mickey Mouse I found out a sad, bitter fact.  If you’re a working mom?  You’re pretty much shit out of luck if you’d like to take your kid out and gain MOST EPIC MOM EVER status.  What the hell am I talking about?

I googled “toddler activities in South Jersey” and here’s a list of what I found….and their hours of operation during the week.

The Garden State Discovery Museum:  The following is what their website touts-

Come and enjoy!

• Spend the day touring the Museum
• Join in our many educational workshops and performances
• Visit the Discovermore Gift Shop
• Host a party in one of our private party rooms
• Snack area
• Changing tables
• Plenty of free parking

BUT HEY, IF YOUR PARENTS HAVE TO WORK FOR A LIVING? SCREW YOU KIDDO, YOU’RE BEAT.  Our hours are as follows:

Monday:  9:30am – 5:30pm

Tuesday:  9:30am – 5:30pm

Wednesday:  9:30am – 5:30pm

Thursday:  9:30am – 5:30pm

Friday:  9:30am – 5:30pm

Then, I tried the Adventure Aquarium: Here’s all the fun shit you can do here:

“Come explore nearly 200,000 square feet of sharks, hippopotamuses, free-flying birds and sea life from around the world”……UNLESS YOUR MOM AND DAD ARE RAISING A FUTURE LATCH KEY KID, IN WHICH CASE YOU  HAVE TO FEEL ALL ALONE AND ON TOP OF THAT? NO FUCKING HIPPOS FOR YOU, CHUMP!

Oh, and of course I googled Gymboree.

They ” provide an environment where children are free to move, play and explore safely. Our proprietary equipment was designed by Jay Beckwith, a nationally respected playground designer with more than 30 years of experience, who created every structure with the needs of children in mind. Our play environments are designed to deliver the high-quality standard parents expect for their children”.

BUT EVIDENTLY MY CHILD CAN ONLY BE FREE TO MOVE, PLAY, AND EXPLORE SAFELY BEFORE THE 4 P.M. HOUR.  THEY OFFER NIGHT TIME ACTIVITIES, BUT GUESS WHAT?  YOU HAVE TO BE A REGISTERED MEMBER, YOU KNOW FOR ALL THOSE OTHER CLASSES THAT HAPPEN WHILE HIS MOM AND DAD PAY THE BILLS!?

ALSO? 70 BUCKS A MONTH FOR 4 45 MINUTE MUSIC FAMILY TIME SESSIONS IS FUCKING STUPID.  I’M JUST SAYIN’, IF IT’S OPEN TO 6 MO’S OLD TO 5 YEARS? CHANCES ARE THAT MY SON, WHO BTW ALREADY KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK AN OCTOGON IS, ISN’T GOING TO BE VERY STIMULATED BY THIS.

So then I checked the local libraries, SURELY THEY WOULD HAVE SOME FREE, FUN, EDUCATIONAL, ACTIVITIES FOR MY BUDDING YOUNG GENIUS.  They do.  They all happen before noon.

I know what you’re all thinking:

Lisa, quit you’re bitching, and while you’re at it? quit your job!  If you truly loved your child you’d live in a tent in your in-laws back yard and make your own clothes and quit spending money of frivalous things like shampoo!

Well, the reality of it is Gavin’s parents have to work.  BOTH of them.  I have a sneaking suspicion that when he gets older he’s going to want things, like food, shelter, and education.

I just think it sucks a fat one, that in 2011 a working mother (and father) find it so hard to find places to cater to us between the hours of 6 and 8 PM.   It isn’t my kid’s fault that we live in NJ, it isn’t my kid’s fault that said state has some of the highest property taxes in the nation, but yet he get’s punished.

Unless me and Jim stop attending every birthday party, wedding, or baby shower that occurs on a weekend.  We could also stop helping any of our friends or family move (if said moving occurs on a weekend).  We can stop running errands and food shopping, ’cause Lord knows that shit takes up a chunk of our weekend, right?! ::snort::

It’s not even that our weekends are jam packed, we could still find time to take him places.  BUT I WANT MY KID TO DO STUFF DURING THE WEEK TOO!  And when the weather is inclement, it’s pretty lame that there is nowhere for us to take him in the evening!

That being said? I’m slightly thankful to McDonalds and Chic Fil A for having indoor playgrounds.  That’s really thoughtful of them….not like those stuck up GYMBOREE bitches.  I’m only sort of kidding.

WTF.

I decided a baked good was necessary too, because, well…just because, right?

What to make?  I googled kit kats and cake, why? I don’t really remember, but i ended up finding this.

It didn’t really give any specifics, so I sort of winged the innards of the cake.  I chose a marble cake (2 9″ pans), because having to choose between vanilla and chocolate is just not right, you know what I mean?  I used chocolate frosting in the middle and on the entire cake.

Jim diligently unwrapped all the kit kat bars.  He used the icing as “cement to affix the kit kats to the side of the cake.  I also piped a thin layer of icing in any gaps I saw between the kit kats and the cake.  The ribbon helps them from falling off  too. (you know, before you present it, after that who gives a crap, just dig in!)

Then just plop a bunch of reese’s pieces on top.

Easy freakin’ peasy, right?

And how adorable?